My Least Favorite Doctor

For years, I’ve had a very strong personal policy about not speaking out against other professionals. Harmonious professional relationships are one of the biggest assets of my practice, and I work hard to keep it that way. Even in the rare occasion when personalities may not make for the best fit, I will respectfully defer to a professional judgement call. Most of the time, I genuinely love the doctors I work with. I’ve seen them offer boundless patience and encouragement in the longest of labors, and I’ve seen them offer wise advice in times of need. A few, I’ve witnessed handling true emergencies with admirable grace. With every encounter, my respect grows deeper and my gratitude for them is stronger.

However, sometimes a woman gets fed up. Sometimes, things just need to be said. Sometimes, a relationship just isn’t working, and needs to be let go. This is one of those times. I confess now, there is a doctor I can no longer stand.

He is reactive in the face of the smallest concerns – every mysterious bump or blemish needs to be tested for cancer. Every strange hiccup might be an emergency, and an immediate trip to the hospital is warranted. More than anyone I’ve ever known, he loves to trot out the words “this could be fatal.” And yet, his inconsistency is equally maddening. In times of true concern, he’s just as likely to say, “Ignore it, don’t do anything. This is probably nothing.” For second opinions, he’s abysmal. More than answering with anything evidence-based, he loves to contradict whatever advice someone has already been given.

People love him for his availability. I’ve heard stories of his answering questions at the oddest of hours – 10 am, 10 pm, 4am, whenever. He exists to hear himself give answers, without it mattering in the least whether they’re actually right. It seems he never sleeps.

His bedside manner is horrid. Not only does he completely ignore an individual’s unique circumstances or test results, he has no compassion whatsoever for anyone’s feelings, or what a family may be going through. It’s either “You’re going to die” or “Stop being a baby.” He’s calloused and completely unresponsive to feedback.

The worst part is that there’s not a chance of his being fired. As far as any state boards or governing organizations are concerned, he’s untouchable. His license is bunk. He’s a quack. And just as frustratingly, though this reputation is well-known, people ask for his input anyway.

So, the most I can do is refuse to work with him anymore. From here on out, I will tell people to ask someone else that they (and I!) can trust. I will not encourage listening to his advice. Don’t contact him, don’t listen to him, don’t give him your attention. And, I will say it here for everyone else to see:

DOCTOR GOOGLE, I HATE YOU. WE ARE THROUGH.

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