Look Out! It’s Pregzilla!

Look Out! It’s Pregzilla!
Look Out! It’s Pregzilla!

pregzillaHave you heard?  The production company behind the reality show Jersey Shore is now casting for a new show called “Pregzillas”. In their casting call description, they ask: “Are you losing your mind? Hormones running amok? Freaking out over the littlest things? Are you making yourself and everyone else around you nuts and using your pregnancy as the excuse? This is your pregnancy and you need to be treated like a queen!”

There’s no doubt as to what Pregzilla means – it immediately conjures up images of roaring,  fire-breathing, round-bellied dragons screaming for pickles and ice cream while destroying everything in sight. Prior to this casting call, I thought it was a word that birth attendants invented. Look to any doula, midwife, nurse or OB who has been around the block a time or two, and you don’t have to scratch very deep to dig out her Pregzilla story. They don’t have to involve smashed buildings to be devastating,  and they all seem to have similar themes of unrealistic expectations and unmeetable demands.  A quick peek at any birth worker’s forum on the internet will turn up many tales like these from all around the globe:

 

“Her mother texted me at 4am to tell me that my client was in labor and they were leaving for the hospital. Half an hour later she texted again to ask if I’d gotten the first text. Um, hello?! It’s 4am!  I was asleep! If she was in labor, why wouldn’t she just call and wake me?”

“She told me that if her doctor came in again, I had to tell him to leave. I couldn’t do that! This hospital would send me away and never let me or any other doula back in!”

“For three weeks, she called me about random worries every other night after I had gone to bed. She had to know right then – What vaccine schedule did I recommend? Was her brand of  shampoo safe? Did she need to call her doctor because she ate a tuna sandwich? Each phone call was at least an hour. I spent the last weeks of her pregnancy exhausted and dreading the ringer on my phone.”

“She lived two hours away from me, but when she told me that she had already interviewed six doulas near her, and I was the only one she liked, I took the job. After her birth, it turned out that she didn’t like me anymore, either. That was so not worth the drive.”

“She handed me a birth plan that was eleven pages long, and she was sure I’d have no problem making everybody follow it to the last detail, no matter what.”

“I was supposed to be doing a postpartum care shift  for two hours, and she made me stay for ten hours instead. The spare bedroom she wanted me to “straighten up” to make room for the baby’s things looked like something from an episode of Hoarders. I wasn’t even in the room with her and the baby!”

“A week before her due date, she called to tell me that her friend was going to be in town unexpectedly, and would be coming to her birth for support, so thanks anyway, and by the way when would I have her deposit back to her?”

There are countless examples just like these, and worse. Clearly, it happens often enough for someone to create a reality show about it. So, what makes this happen?  Where do these stories of resentment, confusion,  and being taken for granted come from? What is it that turns a passion for warm- fuzzy birth support into a fear of  fending off atomic-powered  gestating monsters? Here’s a hint:  It’s not the mamas. Even with the hormonal storms, the fears and questions, and the major life changes going on, no mama wants to become the next tale of terror for her doula, doctor, or midwife.  If  every Pregzilla story was thrown into a blender and whirled all together, only one word would come out. That word, my dear birth-loving friends, is boundaries.

Creating, communicating, and honoring healthy boundaries is a  must for any birth worker. Most people who work in the birth field are compassionate human beings who live to serve. This is a truly wonderful thing – until you’ve given to the point that you are depleted and worn out. You cannot serve and support any mother through her birth process if your own energy reserves are completely used up.  Healthy boundaries keep communication flowing  in any relationship. This is true with your friends, your beloveds, your colleagues, and your clients. Setting good boundaries, beginning with the very first interactions you have,  teaches your clients how to treat you. Did you catch that?  We teach our clients how to treat us. That’s an important part of this job. Establishing clear boundaries supports clients  in getting their needs met in a way that you are willing to fulfill. It makes your work remarkably easier, and makes your clients happier because it helps them to know exactly what to expect from you.When a boundary is crossed, you have two options. Either you choose to allow it, or you gently teach a better way.

You will know when a boundary is crossed by how you feel about it. Are you feeling frustrated, annoyed, or “bumped”? Discomfort and resentment are two major red flags indicating  that somewhere along the line, a “yes” was given to something that you didn’t really want to do. This “yes” might have been out loud,  or it might have been by going along without saying “no”. Feeling unappreciated is a clue that a boundary has been pushed too far.  This happens sometimes when you don’t want to feel guilty for “not being good enough“. Begin with asking yourself, “What is it about this interaction that is bothering me?” Pay attention to these feelings as cues that somewhere, a boundary needs attention, and notice where some clear communication on your end might benefit everybody.

Know your own physical, emotional, and mental  limits.  If you haven’t taken the time to know where your limits and biases are, you have no way of sharing them with others. So, take the opportunity to consider in advance all of the possibilities that might come up in working with birthing families, and decide for yourself where you stand. There are many points to consider. Here are just a few: How far are you willing to travel?  What hours are you available by phone? What is your preferred mode for contact?  What is your fee, and what are your financial agreements about receiving your deposit and balance due? Under which circumstances will you not attend a birth? What are the necessary steps for letting you know when it’s time to come?  Who will you call for a mama who needs more help than you can give? Have you explained what the code of conduct for your profession will and will not allow?

After thinking this through ahead of time, use these points to create an explicit written service agreement that is signed by the doula and the hiring couple.   Go over this agreement clearly in prenatal visits with everyone who will be present as invited support people for this birth long  before any “bump” has had an opportunity to happen. This goes a long way in making both you and your clients feel  satisfied.   That’s not to say that there will never be clients who try to ask for something different than what your agreement says, but now, you have a plan.  With a signed agreement in place, you have the peace of mind that comes from knowing that you are acting in integrity with your word, and she has the clarity of knowing what to expect from you as part of her care team.

Honoring personal boundaries is a sign of self-respect, so give yourself permission to preserve yours. Be direct when you need to. People who communicate respect for themselves also are seen as people who will respect their clients. When birth workers and clients start out on the same page, a clear-cut dialogue is not often going to be necessary. When personalities or communication styles do require a clear conversation, the groundwork has already been laid to make boundary enforcement happen with grace and ease.  Of course,  just deciding what the boundaries are isn’t enough – you do actually have to follow through. Just as birth workers aren’t mind readers, neither are mamas. It’s ok to let people know, with kindness when possible, what has happened that is outside of your protocols, and how to handle it in an appropriate way should the same need arise again.

Here’s how that might sound:

” Here’s a copy of my services agreement and the scope of practice guidelines from my certifying organization. At this first meeting, I’d like for us to go over it together for a few minutes, so that we’re all starting out on the same page. This helps me serve you to the best of my ability.”

“Hey, I’m glad you called. It’s always ok to reach out with questions. That’s why I’m here. I’ve already gone to bed for tonight, though. I turn into a pumpkin after 10. Want to call me tomorrow?  Most days, anytime between noon and 6pm is good for me.”

“Stephanie’s in labor? Wonderful! Can you put her on the phone, please?”

“At today’s appointment, I’d like for us to run through what the day of your birth might look like, so that we can talk about how and when to notify me.”

“Hey, mama. Got your text. Please call me. We’ve got to talk out loud.”

 

As always, make excellent self-care a priority. When you are tuned in to your own well-being, you will be better able to recognize the emotional and physical cues that let you know when something is “off”. When you are taking excellent care of yourself, you are better motivated to set and honor boundaries that make your life less stressful. This keeps you more fully present while providing excellent care for your clients and the beloveds in your world. Seek out support when you need to from a mentor or a group. Your friends and coworkers can practice accountability and boundary setting together. Birth work is intense, and nobody has to be in it alone.

“The Doula With Good Boundaries” might not ever make for interesting reality TV. Screaming Pregzillas will win out over peaceful communication for shock value, every time. Learning to work within healthy boundaries, however,  will make your life more simple, your client relationships better, your communication more clear, and will enable you to continue to willingly serve others for a long time to come. It might mean that you never have a “good Pregzilla story”, or at least they’ll be few and far between.  Try it – you’ll be glad you did.

 

Like this article? Come “like” Jodi the Doula on facebook HERE. There’s always something good for us to talk about going on over there.  Also –  Hey, what do you think of the picture my brother Samuel drew to go with this article? Pretty great, huh? He’s a cool artist and soon-to-be-famous children’s poet. You can go check his stuff out at i.droo.it

13 Responses »

  1. Pingback: Birth Plans for Birthworkers | Jodi the Doula

  2. For those of you who like to enjoy gambling and when you are usually
    looking for partners within gambling activities, Mabosbet is usually the
    right choice. Mabosbetransfer You can contact our customer service
    and make dealings with us. Mabosbet livechat is available 24 several hours nonstop
    and is all set to serve you that help you online with
    wagering.

    Mabosbet. com as a new responsible gambling agent, all of us always provide
    an alternative link to mabosbet to ensure members feel
    comfortable. You no longer require to have trouble obtaining an alternative Jababbet link for access,
    it is currently available for you.

    We also always give concern to the safety associated with our members, very rigid protecting all of the privacy of members of
    Jababbet.

    Reliable Mabosbet From 2010

    Together with good praise, the support from the Headquarters
    is no doubt. Friendly, fast response, under 3 minutes.

    Mabosbet is highly highly valued by gambling bettors coming from Indonesia because whatever triumph you get will be
    accepted by mabosvip. We usually want to provide the best for members with optimum service.
    The site mabosmail. com is additionally very an easy task to access,
    since you only need internet access and option links mabosvip, no
    need to use proxies, news letters, or troublesome applications.

    That will is why many folks join mabosbola and help to
    make deposits, then, win typically the match. The best plus quality
    alternative mabosbola alternate site.

    Come join mabosbet. com the trusted online gambling agent in Dalam negri.
    Contact livechat mabosbet right now in the lower proper corner to get the user ID.
    Welcome to be able to the club.

    MABOSBET is a Trusted Online Gambling Site that has been established
    for more compared to 9 years with typically the greatest
    amount of online gambling players. This gambling site also provides the most complete online gambling game along with the most popular gambling providers in Indonesia.
    Online Gambling Games that could be played at MABOSBET are Sportsbook Soccer Betting, Live
    Casino, Online Poker Cards Gambling, Online Slot Betting and Online Togel.

    Mabosbet itself has provided a number of excellent facilities
    for internet gambling players in Indonesia which range from 24-hour
    Live Chat Assistance, Bonuses with the least
    difficult conditions, additional wins with regard to True Gambling Players.

    This particular MABOSBET Gambling Site likewise proves to be very
    trustworthy, while this Gambling Internet site can also pay with regard to
    any winning player without the deductions. So you will certainly play gambling
    comfortably and safely without fear of spending.

    In addition to a definite win at MABOSBET, you will also provide additional bonuses to provide a different
    experience playing online gambling.

    JOBI BASKETBALL OFFICIAL SBOBET ONLINE IN INDONESIA
    Online Soccer Gambling has become a extremely popular gambling online game within Indonesia
    where every online game has a market regarding betting.
    MABOSBET has become a great official partner of SGD777 Indonesia, where more than six years has provided sports gambling games for gambling players in Indonesia.
    This specific SBOBET Soccer Gambling Industry allows a good where gamers
    will actually be given the live market from your recognized match directly.
    Which means you may be very lucky in order to play SBOBET in this specific
    MABOSBET.

    RELIABLE ONLINE SLOT MACHINE GAME SITE SITE WITH MANY EARNINGS
    Online slot gambling is usually currently popular in Philippines, where online slots are extremely lucrative with huge
    jackpots and freespins that usually are straightforward to win. Because of that
    this MABOSBET first provided Online Slot Video games from 2012 for betting players in Indonesia.
    Exactly where Jackpot is provided more than USD $ 1,
    000, 000 for slot players who register at MABOSBET.

    The Slot Online game machine at MABOSBET does not just use your Equilibrium,
    the Slot Game offers been designed with the FREESPIN Bonus that comes out
    there more often, so a person will probably be Fortunately.

  3. pleasing to Mabosbola, one of the best Indonesian Sbobet agents since 2010.
    Mabosbola.com is Indonesia’s largest Sbobet site that will affix
    you to international gambling game services. considering several world sites,
    Mabosbola is an agent site that gives you full entrance to various gambling game categories.

    In supporting the facilities and comfort of our members, Mabosbola is always glad to find the money for satisfaction to
    members who trust us as Sbobet Indonesia agents. Various popoler gambling
    betting markets on Sbobet and after that Maxbet and many others.
    We preserve our title as master agent because of our good play-act both in terms of benefits and quick payment.
    Not to forget in addition to our role as a betting disagreement for the world cup and the Euro as
    well.

  4. all right and thank you for visiting online casino agents
    for Indonesia. Here we are here to come up with the money for access for fans of sbobet
    casino who desire to link the international agent site Promosbobet.

    The products offered are unconditionally diverse and are enormously the best choice.
    Derived from providers that have credibility and have been proven to
    have the best predicate in serving their customers.
    Providers in imitation of Sbobet, Maxbet and many more.

    As the best online casino and soccer gambling site
    in Indonesia. We come up with the money for maximum encourage taking into
    account customer maintain that works online 24 full hours all day.
    in view of that members can play-act whenever and wherever without fearing to point the possibility of difficulties or
    confusion.

  5. agreeable and thank you for visiting online casino agents for Indonesia.
    Here we are here to have the funds for entry for fans of sbobet casino who want to associate the international agent site Promosbobet.

    The products offered are no question diverse and are completely the best choice.
    Derived from providers that have credibility and have been proven to have the best predicate in serving their customers.
    Providers in the same way as Sbobet, Maxbet and many more.

    As the best online casino and soccer gambling site in Indonesia.
    We give maximum bolster behind customer withhold that works online 24 full
    hours all day. thus members can statute whenever and wherever without fearing to perspective the possibility
    of difficulties or confusion.

  6. The best in class, Depoxito give you high-end
    experience that deliver the see and air of legitimate VIP standarts,
    we have the funds for you the best attractive to high-level experience of VIPs
    expect in any summit stop casino, grand live casino royale
    offer you the other studio design element including the grand blackjack, offering
    our VIP Customer the best experience of a Salon privee table.

    New style table after that feature across the room gone
    grand roulette upgraded upon our provider playtechs mini prestige roulette which delivering more interesting and richer
    playing experience. The supplementary experience contains a sum of seven tables including five blackjack tables, one roulette table and one
    baccarat table. Grand alive casino royale has been tall hand-engineered to fit the needs of
    our customer to using it, and contains unique elements that is specially expected to maximize the impact value we got from our customers and diversify it to the existing network.

    Soon, Depoxito will fabricate an bigger realism technology on sentient casino for our
    VIP member, these most highly developed technology
    ever seen in enliven casino including this enlarged reality.
    Which allow players to experience products on an entire new level which
    is never seen since literally leaping out of the game and
    taking the blackjack, baccarat, roulette and
    extra game into the combine entire level.
    Depoxito VIP Baccarat, we provide you the no question exclusive enliven VIP Baccarat that is played taking into account stirring to 7 players at the same table and
    our very trained lovely liven up baccarat dealer. And of
    course our VIP enthusiast will quality as if they were
    in point of fact sitting at one of the summit casino baccarat table.
    This immersive gaming experience creates a hugely risk-taking appearance that our VIP players will locate difficult to surpass.

    Here is the list of bring to life casino game that depoxito provide, we give the
    widest range of bring to life casino games on the present including : blackjack unlimited,
    blackjack prestige, roulette, baccarat, poker, hi-lo, sic bo, and
    grand liven up casino royale such as Grand Baccarat, Grand Blackjack and
    Grand Roulette for our VIP member. And of course as a enthusiast
    of Depoxito you can enjoy every the games that we come up with the money for to
    you, all you obsession to accomplish is just visit
    our site depoxito and register it and no-one else takes stirring to 3 minutes and subsequently youre adequate to play a role any game that you
    want.
    Be our VIP, monster our VIP aficionado of course
    established you the best benefits you can get from us every you craving to be a VIP believer is entirely easy.

    every you habit is just save playing on our site,
    lump and function taking into account a VIP like the
    amount that our company had written, save playing and our customer facilitate will contact you that you are promoted to
    become a VIP devotee on our site.

  7. Not lonely as the best Asian gambling operator in the 2009 and 2010 versions of eGaming review Magazine, but the online gambling site Sbobet has furthermore become the 11th
    most ranked company in the “50 capacity Company”
    list in 2011 which is the list of the most influential companies in the eGaming industry.
    This is proof that Sbobet is not an online gambling
    site.

    For starters, Sbobet is the best online bookie
    to function Asian Handicap because here you can pick both the type of
    bet and the odds you want. Compared to competitors such as Dafabet and 188Bet, Sbobet has the most incredible in-play
    betting relief as soon as conscious video streaming features for several tournaments and popular matches accompanied by faithful customers.

  8. Option Link l69
    L69 is probably the official sites that provide the latest alternative
    link trusted online betting sites. L69 provides more than 1 alternative link from each and every betting
    site, and we here have become the most comprehensive alternative link companies and the L69 internet site includes a responsive display that
    makes it easy that you should access our site through the display of
    your tool or laptop. And what you have to know is that will we here just have 1 official link, l69.
    me personally and if there are usually other websites that provide information or call our own website
    is not our official site.
    Ball gambling and casino gambling are usually types of games that are extremely favored by the individuals regarding Indonesia.

    Why l69? Since we have been here for more than five a number of have got become the
    trust regarding the folks of Indonesia as a location to enjoy soccer gambling
    and also on the internet casino gambling. Itself has also obtained
    a license through the Asian and Western governments
    in 2009 to turn out to be an online gambling betting provider site in Asian countries and Europe.

    By providing lots of different types of gambling bets which can be played about one
    ID, much more typically the members feel happy playing in your bookie.

    Great things about Alternative Links l69
    Yet sadly lately there are many members who encounter problems
    and problems any time entering into their Bola tangkas game because the Sbobet web
    site is frequently blocked and many older sites have been clogged by the Indonesian authorities rather than a few usually
    are also affected in what is usually called the Newsletter Task.

    The Indonesian government recently is struggling to eliminate links
    or paths to access sites that smell regarding pornography, gambling
    and presently there are a number of other content that is deemed inappropriate.

  9. I was wondering if you ever considered changing the
    page layout of your website? Its very well written; I love what youve
    got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people
    could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot
    of text for only having one or two pictures.
    Maybe you could space it out better?

  10. As an online gambling player, it is important to
    know what sites are good to visit and can be used as a
    place to pretense online gambling. neglectfully choosing a site is
    tantamount to wasting capital for free. Not forlorn you
    will lose but after that waste time and opportunity to succeed in this
    business.

    Not a few people create mistakes bearing in mind this until they finally fall into the abyss
    of bankruptcy / defeat because they can’t win even in every
    game they do. Unfortunately, most people who experience
    this blame the game otherwise of introspecting upon what they
    have done.

    In essence, if you action gambling carelessly and without preparation, subsequent to any
    further business in the world, of course, you will stop stirring
    in failure. Therefore, we desire to give recommendations for the best online
    gambling sites that you can visit and become partners playing online gambling to attain endowment in this
    industry.

    The name of the site is Mabosway, a site that provides various
    types of pure and best-in-class online gambling games.
    upon the Mabosway site you can choose various types of games ranging from well-liked gambling games such
    as online poker, online casino gambling like various variants,
    as capably as sports gambling games that are popular in the manner of people in Indonesia.

    There are many more important features that the Mabosway site has, however, there are several important features that you habit to know
    that create Mabosway the best site and many online gambling players
    trust in Indonesia.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *